You take a piece of
me away, every time I
fall in love with you
All posts by May Ling B
Haiku Series #72
She sings me to sleep
I escape from this cold world
Please don’t wake me up
Haiku Series #71
Repeating mantras
Over and over again
Be brave, please be brave
Numb
I falter when I step
The way it spins around me
S l o w l y at first,
then faster and faster
But I still don't fall
All I want is the ground
I can't feel it beneath my feet
Not even the pain
I'm numb to everything
But it DEMANDS to be felt
So instead I lose my breath
And my vision fades
Scattered and broken pieces of your face
invade my mind
Distorted voices whisper against my ear
But the words are muddled,
worse, dripping with venom
Sing me to sleep
I want to forget
Happiness?
I find myself struggling more and more lately with who I am. I’m not sure when I conditioned myself to think I’d have all the answers by 30. I’m not even sure I have the right questions yet. At what point do we begin to adapt and accept the daily notions? I can’t even pinpoint what my point is at the moment. I think I’m just lost. I didn’t even realize until now that I was…
Someone asked me the other day if I was happy – to recall a time when I was the happiest I’ve ever been. I hesitated to answer. That hesitation spoke volumes. There are moments that fill my heart with joy: my daughter’s birth, my first apartment, my best friend’s wedding, my college graduation. But in that instant none of those moments seemed to be right. Does a moments joy equate true happiness? is it a series of happy times strung together. Or is that just an ideal that may never come to fruition?
Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t think I’m an unhappy person. I can be quite spunky and loud, excited and animated – I’ll embarrass you with my random skipping and character voices. But at the end of the day, is it just me I’m trying to convince?
I built a pretty good life for myself and surround myself with awesome people, so I’m very blessed and grateful. But sometimes when I’m sitting home alone at night, I have to wonder… until I let my own thoughts consume me. To the point when I just feel selfish for even wanting something else, something more. For wanting anything really.
What defines happiness? Who decided the road map with all the stops you’re supposed to make? And why am I the odd one out because I chose the path buried deep in the woods? Who’s to say which actions are the right ones and whether or not we should be acting on them?
I live my life the way I want and my choices are my own. I wear my mistakes like battle scars because they remind me. No, they aren’t always pretty, but they are my scars to own. I guess I just want to know to what end is it all for. I have no clue what will make me happy, so I’ll continue to fumble my way by, dealing with the hurdles as they come. I guess sometimes it’s just very lonely, but I imagine even the happiest people in the world are still lonely.
Haiku Series #70
Hurts to say out loud
But I’ve always needed you
Now more than ever
Haiku Series #69
Isn’t it funny
How slowly the minutes pass
Then blink, it’s all gone
Haiku Series #68
As much as I try
I can’t remember your voice
But always your words
Haiku Series #67
I am trapped within
almost interactions, close
to you but not quite
Facade
Doesn't your mask get heavy? Must be hard to keep it all straight Your "exaggerated truths" Who am I talking to today? Don't like this version either anyway Are you tired yet? Because you exhaust me And my half smile is starting to match yours The sound of your voice makes me sad Your eyes look desperate For a second you almost got me But you're still a jerk You're not ready anyway My fingers can't smooth the creases that line your brow So I won't reach out Or get pulled in I'll lay low Even if you shed the veil I wouldn't know who you are Would you?
Mei Mei's Musings 