The Confines of Fear

Running away is easier
Leaves a different mess
I can’t fake smiles anymore
It gets old quick
And wears on my soul
This air is thick
I feel it pushing on me
But the wind racing through the window
    chases it away
The speed surpasses all the things that
    eat away at me
Just the sound of Indie Rock
And the thoughts in my head
        That fade slowly
                Until I silence them away
Maybe if I pretend they don’t exist they’ll really be gone…
Even for a minute
     I need some solace
Nope, that didn’t work
Just focus on the road
And the trees whizzing by
I don’t want to be here anymore
I’m tired of being scared
     Of myself
      Of others
       Of being trapped
        Of my soul’s hunger
I need to break free from these confines of fear
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Addiction

I’m addicted to him
Not in an obsessive way, or even in a sexual way
I’m addicted to the way all my problems and anxiety seem to fade away when he is around
I can be having a total meltdown
And when he grabs my hand
                         I’m relaxed
He’s my medicine
(Who am I kidding? He’s my drug)
He saves me from myself
Not every secret is bad

Scavenger hunt? Yes, please!

I am SO excited! I have this weird obsession for these journals that Keri Smith creates. The first one I bought was called “Wreck This Journal”. Basically you’re destroying the book slowly and so creatively. Sure it tells you to write 4 letter words and draw circles, but then it tells you to plop food on it and drag is through the mud, rip a page out and tape it back in after crumbling it. I so want to be a writer (and published one day) but sometimes I lose that creative side of myself that I love. I bought this book for a couple of friend for that very reason… think outside the box, get dirty, do something random and crazy!

Anyhoo… imagine my surprise and delight when I came across “The Pocket Scavenger” while waiting for a friend for dinner last night. Um… YAY! First of all I’ve been trying to get people to do a scavenger hunt with me FOREVER… no biters. Boo to you all, boo to you all!

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(BTW, they do these really cool ones in the city that go to Grand Central, Central Park and the MET to name a few. Um, amaze balls! Plus I fully plan on going to the International Spy Museum when I visit DC again. Me with an electronic device texting me clues on where to run to next? HELLO, who are we talking to?? Shut up, sold… just take my money!!)

So this new book gives you a list of 72 random things to find and the story of where/when/how it came to be… but then you get to alter it somehow randomly according to another list. This book is the perfect distraction for someone like me. The items are everyday, normal things that seem unimportant and not very special, like a postage stamp or buttons. But the beauty then comes from the story behind it and what role it played in your life. At least that’s the way I see it. Maybe the stamp is from an old love letter you kept for years and the button came from the shirt of the actor you were stalking. Something random turns into something exciting and personal… it’s another way to see someone and get a peek into their mind. So then like I said, you have to alter it somehow – add thumbprints, an explosion, another item. It further takes this ordinary item that you make unique to you and then has you add a personal flair to it. This book basically begs you to “infuse your daily excursions with a quest to see these things with new eyes.”

I get way too excited about things I know, and it IS only a book…… but life is about taking what’s given to you and leaving behind something extraordinary; leaving behind a piece of you. I think that’s beautiful.