I’ve come to learn over time that falling out of love is just as liberating as finding love – it grants a freedom from the chains that love can create. Chains you were or weren’t even aware of. From the kind of love that suffocates and blinds a person. The type of love that only takes without a thought of giving. You never really realize just how much your own emotions can cripple you. How much joy it takes away, especially when you think you are the happiest you’ve ever been.
I’ve been lucky to find love, even if it was short lived or perhaps a pretty lie. At least in that moment I was elated. But I’ve also experienced heartache that completely shut me down. It’s amazing how in one minute love can create this moment of pure ecstasy that we wish would never leave us and then in the next becomes stifling and uncontrollable. Letting go gives us a strength that holding onto something can’t do. You see the world with fresh eyes, are aware of new possibilities. I want to dwell in the possibilities of life and not be narrowed by only seeing what’s just in front of me. I’m pretty excited to see what life has in store for me!
I think Albert Camus said it best: In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
It took me two years to take a vacation and I must say that regardless of my future situations, I fully plan on pulling aside time and money every year to go on a vacation. My mind is so at ease. (Even though finals are right around the corner.) My biggest concern during my trip was whether I was going to tan on the beach or by the pool that day, or if my brugal was going to be light or dark for that next drink.
I traveled to Punta Cana for the destination wedding of an old high school friend I was lucky to rekindle with 5 years ago. It was amazing, she was gorgeous and the tropical waters were healing. I have decided that this will be the LAST time I go there though – I’ve only traveled internationally three times, and it was always to the Dominican Republic. (People honestly need to pick a new place to get married dude, the second time I went was for a wedding as well.) I honestly believe that customs is going to eventually question my passport and think me a mule one of these days!
I literally spent the whole week just tanning, eating, drinking rum and sleeping. Even the beautiful island of DR didn’t want me to leave – the sun shone the ENTIRE time I was there, but the sky opened up and poured down on me as I checked out that morning. The past few days here in NY have been gloomy as well – you would think I was in London the way mother nature has been acting.
As I’ve said before I am a freakishly shy person. You can NOT take the opinions of my friends because they know me too well and I am far too comfortable with them at this point. But truth be told when I first meet a person, I probably won’t say hi to them or attempt to start a conversation. My flirting is quite awkward honestly. Now it could be the concept I’m on vacation (or the rum), but I’m just NOT a shy person when I go away. It’s like I’m a different person – I have no issue talking to people or dancing like a fool. (although I think I normally look like a fool when I dance anyway.) The island was COVERED with Canadians this whole week. Literally everywhere I went I saw either a Dominican or a Canadian. And I have to say, after meeting these Canadians, New York men better watch their back. They could take a lesson or two from Canadian men. It was SO NICE to talk to someone who actually wanted to TALK. They had to be the most genuine, friendly, respectful men I have ever met. And yes, I will say it: sexy! I met a Bradly Cooper body double and was completely lost in his blue eyes. Too bad he was short and lived in Vancouver.
I hit the town this weekend with a few friends of mine – a house party in the city and a little bar hopping after. The pick up lines I encountered were pure hilarity. Please note that I do NOT give out bonus points for creativity… you MAY get a chuckle or two, but that’s about it. Although I guess that also depends at which point in the night you catch me and how many drinks in I am. So if, for example, you try picking me up on the subway on my way into the city, you’re more likely to just get the evil eyes. My girlfriend was a little more forgiving and friendly to that poor man than I was. Maybe she felt sorry… I’m thinking she wanted to see how far he was going to push it. But honestly… who opens with “Has anyone ever told you two look like the Kardashians?” I mean really? THAT’S what you’re going with? Even if that was true, that’s who you’re comparing me to? Vomit. Here’s the kicker: he then proceeded to ask me “I have to know, you’re not 17, are you?” Was that your way of checking if I was legal? Or your way of saying you wouldn’t care if I was that young? Double vomit in my mouth.
The night only got better and much more entertaining: “Have you ever partied in the desert?” Yes, he asked me that. Why no, I never partied in the desert. I actually like to be close to a water source, thank you. And in this day of technology and social media the concept of dating and flirting has completely changed. Instead of asking someone for their number, they want you to look them up (or stalk them) on Facebook. This same guy kept saying to me “you just don’t know about me, you have to friend me on Facebook, you just don’t know.” Um… gag. Call me old fashioned, but I like phone calls! I like hearing a ring tone and being excited because I know who’s calling me – having those three hour conversations about everything and nothing. I like smiling from ear to ear because I’m looking forward to hearing his voice. Now everything is contained to 140 characters and the posted pictures that chronic your life. No mystery, no more butterflies. I like the butterflies, I like being giddy. *SIGH*
I wish I were a bird
Rise above it all
Watch it all shrink and slowly disappear
And I would simply disappear too
Soar in the air
Wild and free
All the best things are wild and free
I'm still here
And alas, another day begins
And another small piece of my spirit dies
Deep breaths help me through
I have to remind myself to breathe
But I'm running low on reasons
I'm just sitting here
Staring out the window
Through the bricks and smog and busy people
At the birds