“It’ll only end in tears,” he said.
“So make it worth the pain,” I replied.
~ an inevitable goodbye
No matter how many years pass, lovers lost or friendships forgotten, my heart still breaks a little when I realize it’s simply not meant to be. In the flash of a minute it can go from laughter to tears, and then a heavy silence fills the room and words can never explain how it all faded away. It’s overwhelming to know things will never be the same again and what made sense yesterday – the normal – is already gone. I never feel quite ready to find my new normal. There are far too many people in my life that I used to know and even more words left unsaid.
Imagine driving through a thunderstorm, a symphony of rain beating down around you. And as the winding road takes you underneath a bridge, for a brief moment it’s silent and you can see the road again. It’s fleeting and before you know it, you’re back in the thick of it.
That brief moment of serenity, when the world was quiet and you could see everything so clearly? That’s the feeling I get when I see you, that’s the calm you bring me in a chaotic world. And even if it only breaks through for a minute, if I get no further reprieve… I can stand a millennium of pain to feel that way with you.
If you’re homesick
give me your hand
and I’ll lead you back.
The light will
always be left on
Homesick for a place
that may not exist,
but it doesn’t stop me
from this endless pursuit.
“you and me and never us: a complicated series of almost interactions,”
I can’t get over the sadness this quote brings me. It’s one thing to find love and lose it… it’s another altogether to never have it. Can you imagine finding the love of your life and knowing it’s the wrong place, the wrong time? Knowing it’ll never be, but it so easily could be? I ache for anyone who has learned this truth, I mourn that lost love. I wish it on no one.
I’ve been struggling lately with the words I want to say and what actually appears on paper. Was riding the metro home last night after happy hour and just started writing. Reading it today I’m pleasantly surprised, albeit it a couple changes here and there. Ernest Hemingway got it right: write drunk; edit sober. Let’s see if I can finish my novel now…
Sometimes I forget just how big the world is… and how small my own world can feel. Every so often I’m given the chance to fly – a rare glimpse into another life. I am so incredibly awed by it and so completely terrified of it. It makes me question every decision I’ve ever made, every path I’ve chosen. When staring off into this vast, endless world, I can’t help wonder will I ever touch the horizon? Do we ever get it right? Do we ever truly belong to ourselves? Are we simply conditioned to always want more? I’d like to think I have exactly what I need in life, so why this longing? I’m fighting this insane urge to just jump in my car and drive, chasing down the horizon. I’m desperate to see the other side and so petrified it’s not everything I hope it is. I just can’t tell if it’s giving up on this life or bravely embracing a new one.
In every crowd, in every face, I look for you
with hitched breaths I always see you
until I don’t.
I’ll never stop looking