No matter how many years pass, lovers lost or friendships forgotten, my heart still breaks a little when I realize it’s simply not meant to be. In the flash of a minute it can go from laughter to tears, and then a heavy silence fills the room and words can never explain how it all faded away. It’s overwhelming to know things will never be the same again and what made sense yesterday – the normal – is already gone. I never feel quite ready to find my new normal. There are far too many people in my life that I used to know and even more words left unsaid.
Imagine driving through a thunderstorm, a symphony of rain beating down around you. And as the winding road takes you underneath a bridge, for a brief moment it’s silent and you can see the road again. It’s fleeting and before you know it, you’re back in the thick of it.
That brief moment of serenity, when the world was quiet and you could see everything so clearly? That’s the feeling I get when I see you, that’s the calm you bring me in a chaotic world. And even if it only breaks through for a minute, if I get no further reprieve… I can stand a millennium of pain to feel that way with you.
“you and me and never us: a complicated series of almost interactions,”
I can’t get over the sadness this quote brings me. It’s one thing to find love and lose it… it’s another altogether to never have it. Can you imagine finding the love of your life and knowing it’s the wrong place, the wrong time? Knowing it’ll never be, but it so easily could be? I ache for anyone who has learned this truth, I mourn that lost love. I wish it on no one.
I’ve been struggling lately with the words I want to say and what actually appears on paper. Was riding the metro home last night after happy hour and just started writing. Reading it today I’m pleasantly surprised, albeit it a couple changes here and there. Ernest Hemingway got it right: write drunk; edit sober. Let’s see if I can finish my novel now…
I’m a New Yorker, born and raised. I LOVE my home town and am extremely proud of my roots. No matter how far I stray, I’ll always come home. I’ll always be a New Yorker. I currently live in Westchester and commute to work in lower Manhattan (because I simply couldn’t stay away).
Lately this daily commute and aimless wandering of the streets has opened my eyes to some ANNOYING behaviors. I seriously stop in my tracks to stare at people. But it’s not so much the annoying that bothers me… it’s the RUDE that grinds me. People act like they don’t have home training. (You know your mama would whoop that…)
So I put together a 3 or 4 part list (it just keeps growing) of SO rude behaviors. Seriously, #SOrude . I would like to point out though that my travels have proven these behaviors are NOT at all exclusive to New Yorkers – we get a bad wrap sometimes. Maybe it’s all the tourists? Keeping that in mind, this list goes in no particular order, just a random clutter of thoughts that go off on a tangent (much like my usual everyday rambling):
- Not tipping. You’re paying someone to do something you either don’t know how to do or are too lazy to do yourself. This is how they make a living, so set aside the extra cash or stay home. Waiters, cabbies, valet, salon staff, bartenders, etc. You don’t really need me to name them all.
- Upstreamers. Don’t act uncivilized and pretend you don’t see me hailing this taxi or this neat, uniform line that formed along the sidewalk. You just wait your turn, sir.
- Thank you notes. Did I attend your wedding? Buy that gorgeous baby of yours a birthday gift? Write you a recommendation? Introduce you to the love of your life? (that may or may not end in divorce, I make no guarantees on that one) Well! Please acknowledge me. It’s the polite thing to do. Even my 10 year old hand writes thank you notes…
- Umbrella thief! It’s raining you say? And you dread the awful water? Well I checked the weather this morning and planned accordingly. Your failure to think ahead should not lead me to a wet head.
- “How much do you pay?” Stop right there my good sir! You know damn well what it costs. If we’re not at a garage sale or flea market, don’t haggle me
- Being broke. Don’t misunderstand me here – after bills are paid I’m as broke as the next New Yorker, so I feel your pain. Damn it, I grew up in the Bronx, so trust me, I feel your pain. BUT don’t agree to dinner, drinks, a concert or vacation and then ask me to cover something. I can barely afford my vices without having to pay for yours too.
- Hello, good morning/afternoon/evening…
- Thank you…
- You’re Welcome…
- Bless you… Enough said…
Tune in next week 🙂