My super awesome best friend (who is NOT a fan of Haikus) decided to suck it up for my birthday and write me one! It’s not that bad, not that bad at alllllll. Love you Ria for the effort!!
You are a truly
Unique character indeed
In my life’s story
I’m a New Yorker, born and raised. I LOVE my home town and am extremely proud of my roots. No matter how far I stray, I’ll always come home. I’ll always be a New Yorker. I currently live in Westchester and commute to work in lower Manhattan (because I simply couldn’t stay away).
Lately this daily commute and aimless wandering of the streets has opened my eyes to some ANNOYING behaviors. I seriously stop in my tracks to stare at people. But it’s not so much the annoying that bothers me… it’s the RUDE that grinds me. People act like they don’t have home training. (You know your mama would whoop that…)
So I put together a 3 or 4 part list (it just keeps growing) of SO rude behaviors. Seriously, #SOrude . I would like to point out though that my travels have proven these behaviors are NOT at all exclusive to New Yorkers – we get a bad wrap sometimes. Maybe it’s all the tourists? Keeping that in mind, this list goes in no particular order, just a random clutter of thoughts that go off on a tangent (much like my usual everyday rambling):
Not tipping. You’re paying someone to do something you either don’t know how to do or are too lazy to do yourself. This is how they make a living, so set aside the extra cash or stay home. Waiters, cabbies, valet, salon staff, bartenders, etc. You don’t really need me to name them all.
Upstreamers. Don’t act uncivilized and pretend you don’t see me hailing this taxi or this neat, uniform line that formed along the sidewalk. You just wait your turn, sir.
Thank you notes. Did I attend your wedding? Buy that gorgeous baby of yours a birthday gift? Write you a recommendation? Introduce you to the love of your life? (that may or may not end in divorce, I make no guarantees on that one) Well! Please acknowledge me. It’s the polite thing to do. Even my 10 year old hand writes thank you notes…
Umbrella thief! It’s raining you say? And you dread the awful water? Well I checked the weather this morning and planned accordingly. Your failure to think ahead should not lead me to a wet head.
“How much do you pay?” Stop right there my good sir! You know damn well what it costs. If we’re not at a garage sale or flea market, don’t haggle me
Being broke. Don’t misunderstand me here – after bills are paid I’m as broke as the next New Yorker, so I feel your pain. Damn it, I grew up in the Bronx, so trust me, I feel your pain. BUT don’t agree to dinner, drinks, a concert or vacation and then ask me to cover something. I can barely afford my vices without having to pay for yours too.
You've taken residence in
the corners of my mind
I push
and push
you away
But it lingers
springing forward with aggression
And I finally lose constraint
I bathe myself in you
until the reel has played through
I remember why
I pushed you there
and why I still try in vain
to rip you out
But you're the missing piece
and I'm empty without you
I need you there
even the broken parts
Because they still
make me whole
Recent conversations with friends has me pondering the concept of personal change – if it’s possible, how it comes about, when it should happen, if it even should happen, etc. I’m constantly bombarded with people complaining (me included!) about the habits and behaviors of others: “Why does he have to be this way?” “Why can’t she grow up already?” “It’s not that hard to quit!” “Why can’t you just do it the way I said?”
I realized the problem isn’t solely the bad habits and vices of others but the expectation that the behavior has to be corrected in the first place and then done so within a set time frame. You’re approaching it the wrong way from the beginning and setting unrealistic expectations on others. I think before you start to demand change, you should consider the following first:
Have you looked in the mirror lately?Ever stop to think if the problem is you? No, you’re perfect beings and the whole world is wacky? Sure…. Just don’t project your imperfections onto others as a smoke screen and figure out if your own life needs fixing first. You know, glass houses and stones and all that.
People are who they are. Either accept them as is or choose to separate yourself from them. People don’t have to bend and twist at your say so. Social chameleons exist, but it’s an art form, my dear. Simply put, you can choose to not associate in the first place.
Love me even at my worst. If you accepted someone with all their flaws and scars when you first met, who are you to say suddenly it’s not enough? Because if you love them, you must love all of them – even the darkest parts. Because maybe, just maybe that love is all they need. You can be the one to save them, but not everyone wants to be saved (nor are they ready)
More importantly, not everyone needs to even be saved! That alone could be the root of the problem – thinking you’re some knight on a mission. Maybe I know the road I need to take and it’s a path I must walk alone. Sure, pace behind me a few steps if you really want, but I really need to make this journey on my own.
You can’t just change a person on a whim, nor should you expect them to change FOR YOU. It took me 30 years to become the person I am and I’m still evolving. I have my fair share of vices – some I’ve overcome (5 years smoke free!) and some I still battle with. But at the end of the day, I’m still me. And I LOVE me! (You should too). That should be enough. I obviously cannot become someone else over night just because you wish I would. And you shouldn’t want me to – that’s a lot of awesomeness to dull.
Change must come from within and with a desire to do so. Otherwise, old habits and vices find their way home again. This is why I’m against forced rehab and believe relapse is more likely in those cases. Someone needs to recognize their flaws, realize it’s destructive and believe they can modify or overcome it. These are tall mountains to climb here.
Accept that eventually you may have to let a person go. Not everyone will fit into your life the way you want them to. After walking down that road with them for a while, you just might have to stop walking altogether. Let them go – wish them well and let them go.
Changes you should make: workout routine, undergarments, sheets, negative attitude, that dated hairstyle (yes, yes I know the poof on the top of my head needs to go!! I’m working on it!), what is considered music these days, that guy who you’ve been “dating on and off for years”.
I write… When the thoughts swirl too much in my head. Because I am afraid to say things out loud. When there is no one to listen. Because I hope one day you'll read my words. I write because I know no other way
Mei Mei's Musings 