The chaos within bore through her,
hungry and delirious, insatiable.
Unable to tame the frenzy,
she thought it too cruel to silence.
She bathed herself in the sweet fire,
and realized she was home -
ever wild, ever free, dancing in the flames.
You've taken residence in
the corners of my mind
I push
and push
you away
But it lingers
springing forward with aggression
And I finally lose constraint
I bathe myself in you
until the reel has played through
I remember why
I pushed you there
and why I still try in vain
to rip you out
But you're the missing piece
and I'm empty without you
I need you there
even the broken parts
Because they still
make me whole
I'm desperate for gravity
I've lost the ground
Where I was safe with you
Abandoned in the darkest night
Your light, gone from this room
The taunting invades me
Random pieces of you,
they linger,
no longer mending
the broken pieces of me
We were always lost,
but hand in hand
Fractured, yet whole together
Floating higher and higher
Let it consume me,
my weakened spirit
Too many tomorrows to survive
Just keep me grounded,
get me through today
These tiny deaths -
they wake me nightly
When you're far from sight
and never within arms reach
The fear is overpowering -
I'm scared you'll forget about me
We are cosmic and rare
albeit tortured and predestine
With my head resting against your nook
I feel my only moments of peace
But the countdown begins
and the hazy returns
We won't be these people anymore
We'll always belong somewhere else,
and never to each other
You're dangerous and everything screams RUNBut I'm mesmerized Can't break my stare or the hold you haveEverything is on fire, let it turn to ashIt's all innocent, right?That's what I say anywayJust drive through the night with me chasing down the dawn until the light fades awayAnd we don't know where we are anymoreI'll follow you anywhere to feel this aliveJust take my hand - lead me away
I know the walls are caving in
Just be still with me
and let the war rage on
as the world falls apart
I'll drown you in love
and we'll be free from the close
Dare to be audacious -
I'll stand my ground
And should you crash,
into me you'll collide
Take refuge -
You are home
I falter when I step
The way it spins around me
S l o w l y at first,
then faster and faster
But I still don't fall
All I want is the ground
I can't feel it beneath my feet
Not even the pain
I'm numb to everything
But it DEMANDS to be felt
So instead I lose my breath
And my vision fades
Scattered and broken pieces of your face
invade my mind
Distorted voices whisper against my ear
But the words are muddled,
worse, dripping with venom
Sing me to sleep
I want to forget
Doesn't your mask get heavy?
Must be hard to keep it all straight
Your "exaggerated truths"
Who am I talking to today?
Don't like this version either anyway
Are you tired yet?
Because you exhaust me
And my half smile is starting to match yours
The sound of your voice makes me sad
Your eyes look desperate
For a second you almost got me
But you're still a jerk
You're not ready anyway
My fingers can't smooth the creases that line your brow
So I won't reach out
Or get pulled in
I'll lay low
Even if you shed the veil I wouldn't know who you are
Would you?
I always hear the whispers
invading my thoughts
Breaking down my resolve
To an inch of my sanity
The way it beckons
stirring memories
Which then intertwine
with harsh realities
And I remember why
I walked away that night
That's the moment
I have to catch my breath
Chanting mantras
while I break into a sweat
I never knew you, did I?
That's the sad, simple truth
lodged in my throat
It dampers the whispers
into a bearable white noise
Day 41, check
You are my anchor
My solace, my gravity
You are home to me
Wherever you are
I still carry you with me
Always in my heart
I cannot let go
The pieces of you and me
It's all I have left
I am at my best
Because you see that in me
You are home to me
I write… When the thoughts swirl too much in my head. Because I am afraid to say things out loud. When there is no one to listen. Because I hope one day you'll read my words. I write because I know no other way
Mei Mei's Musings 