Turn around and look
I’ve always been standing there
Waiting to love you
Haiku Series #1
Newest mini project: a series of haikus whenever the moment strikes:
I sank deep today
Rain washes it all away
Sun beams give me hope
The End
I grate my feet on broken glass leaving a ruby path A swirl of dust pushes me back Blinding me as I claw through the air It's heavy and stings my eyes Sway, sway with me Let this current pull us away But the ripples tear piece by piece Until all that remains is horridly raw Unfiltered and crude It shrinks me, swallows me whole And then spits me back out In the early afternoon sun Where I lay to waste My insides scraped hollow and left to rot Yet the noise of the world goes on The busy people with important things to do go by The move in taxis and walk their dogs There's only one inevitable truth: In the end, life goes on
Never Gone
By the old oak tree I buried it there Pieces of you Pieces of me When the water touched my toes I threw it out to sea What was left of you What was left of me The warm breeze against my skin Brought it all back to me I am never without you
No words for a writer?
Sometimes words aren’t needed. Maybe you can stand on a bridge and let the space around you just be. You don’t need to fill the empty space with a declaration of any kind. Don’t ruin the moment. You don’t need to define it or find meaning in it. Maybe the moment is enough. And that one view makes more sense than anything you could say. You have these rare moments, just a flash… and then the moment passes. But it doesn’t mean it’s insignificant or worthless. Sometimes it just is what it is, but it holds more value and a meaning deeper than statements can make. Hold on to that… and remember that moment in fondness.
Home
I can't find it
This place that seems to exist for everyone
Except me anyway
I thought I was there once
It felt like home
But like most pretty things, those memories faded
I can barely recall now
Was I ever there?
Do I just see illusions?
Sometimes I think that’s enough
And then the picture becomes
more and more washed out
Frayed at the ends
And it can hold me no longer
I need this place to call my own
Where I hear laughter
Where I'm not afraid
Or alone
(I hate that the most I think)
I need reason to believe that I'm on my way
Perhaps it’s just around the corner?
I hope at least... There's always hope right?
Maybe I just want to be missed when I’m gone
Have a careful eye on the horizon
A place to come back to
No matter how long I’m away
With someone waiting for me
Who’s thinking of me tonight?
And am I home to him?
The Confines of Fear
Running away is easier
Leaves a different mess
I can’t fake smiles anymore
It gets old quick
And wears on my soul
This air is thick
I feel it pushing on me
But the wind racing through the window
chases it away
The speed surpasses all the things that
eat away at me
Just the sound of Indie Rock
And the thoughts in my head
That fade slowly
Until I silence them away
Maybe if I pretend they don’t exist they’ll really be gone…
Even for a minute
I need some solace
Nope, that didn’t work
Just focus on the road
And the trees whizzing by
I don’t want to be here anymore
I’m tired of being scared
Of myself
Of others
Of being trapped
Of my soul’s hunger
I need to break free from these confines of fear
Addiction
I’m addicted to him Not in an obsessive way, or even in a sexual way I’m addicted to the way all my problems and anxiety seem to fade away when he is around I can be having a total meltdown And when he grabs my hand I’m relaxed He’s my medicine (Who am I kidding? He’s my drug) He saves me from myself Not every secret is bad
Scavenger hunt? Yes, please!
I am SO excited! I have this weird obsession for these journals that Keri Smith creates. The first one I bought was called “Wreck This Journal”. Basically you’re destroying the book slowly and so creatively. Sure it tells you to write 4 letter words and draw circles, but then it tells you to plop food on it and drag is through the mud, rip a page out and tape it back in after crumbling it. I so want to be a writer (and published one day) but sometimes I lose that creative side of myself that I love. I bought this book for a couple of friend for that very reason… think outside the box, get dirty, do something random and crazy!
Anyhoo… imagine my surprise and delight when I came across “The Pocket Scavenger” while waiting for a friend for dinner last night. Um… YAY! First of all I’ve been trying to get people to do a scavenger hunt with me FOREVER… no biters. Boo to you all, boo to you all!
(BTW, they do these really cool ones in the city that go to Grand Central, Central Park and the MET to name a few. Um, amaze balls! Plus I fully plan on going to the International Spy Museum when I visit DC again. Me with an electronic device texting me clues on where to run to next? HELLO, who are we talking to?? Shut up, sold… just take my money!!)
So this new book gives you a list of 72 random things to find and the story of where/when/how it came to be… but then you get to alter it somehow randomly according to another list. This book is the perfect distraction for someone like me. The items are everyday, normal things that seem unimportant and not very special, like a postage stamp or buttons. But the beauty then comes from the story behind it and what role it played in your life. At least that’s the way I see it. Maybe the stamp is from an old love letter you kept for years and the button came from the shirt of the actor you were stalking. Something random turns into something exciting and personal… it’s another way to see someone and get a peek into their mind. So then like I said, you have to alter it somehow – add thumbprints, an explosion, another item. It further takes this ordinary item that you make unique to you and then has you add a personal flair to it. This book basically begs you to “infuse your daily excursions with a quest to see these things with new eyes.”
I get way too excited about things I know, and it IS only a book…… but life is about taking what’s given to you and leaving behind something extraordinary; leaving behind a piece of you. I think that’s beautiful.
Out of hiding
I’ve been so overwhelmed with life and all that comes with it that I haven’t really been writing lately. (Besides the fact that I’ve been cheating on this blog with… a journal… gasp!) It’s not that I haven’t been inspired (well that’s partly it), it’s just my focus has been pulled in so many directions. Sometimes I’m on autopilot. I’ve been contributing more to my other blog as well, a more intimate view into the mind of Mei Mei. It just seems that lately there’s been too much serious going on, not enough silly, which is the main inspiration for this blog
I made a new friend lately who totally embraces my quirkiness. We have a similar mindset and sense of humor… he just GETS me. It’s an awesome feeling to not feel awkward and embarrassed ALL the time. He doesn’t think my ideals and dreams are silly and farfetched. We’re two positive people, especially around each other and I appreciate someone who looks at life for its possibilities (and not just as a raw deal that was handed to us). After talking to him for a few minutes I feel so empowered and excited about life. I’m so much more amped to cross off bucket list items – that thing was starting to collect dust. I think I’m most happy that I feel like ME for the first time in such a very long time. I was a little lost for awhile and he found me. I’m still fumbling around, but I wake up with purpose again. I just remember the old me and how I used to be. I guess it’s the me that’s always been there but fell into a jaded place. I just found her again is all.
Mei Mei's Musings 