Hey there self proclaimed beauty queen

I look at your life and I see who you are
The triumphs you claim are nothing more than meaningless trophies
That you too proudly display
They're starting to dull
Maybe you'll see it too
But you're naive in this way, so I know you won't
My head remains high
I won't be infected by you
Or your words
What used to sting can touch me no longer
I looked past those shallow eyes
And tried to understand your clouded soul
Not everyone can be saved
You're simply okay with the status quo
I can accept that now
Dig a little deeper and break free
But understand something:
I don't hate you...
                   I pity you

This girl

I thought those were my eyes
But at second glance I can’t seem to recognize
They stare at me intently
And as hard as I try
I simply can’t turn away
Tricky, tricky mirror
What have you done to me?
The candle’s flickering light
                   Makes the shadows dance
This girl is staring at me
She’s fighting so hard to get out

This morning was the same as last
The routine has not been broken
But something’s just not clicking
And I feel like I’m disappearing

Breaking free and running wild
She will not hide
I may not want her to
This raw awakening is uncontrollable
I’m lost in its lust
I love this temptation
I won’t let it go
I think it’s time to embrace it


These thoughts are never ending
Intrusive and rude
They speak to me in volumes
And I, unable to control them, am left to endure
It's like a slow ticking
. . .
no mater how far I run
Still, it follow
This taunting becomes a game
And I'm losing
Losing control
Losing what little insight I gained

And without notice I fall
Trapped in these thoughts
Thoughts that start making sense

I have long prayed for strength
Expectant of what was to come
And even with time I wasn't ready
It's hard to fight your demons
When you can't find a way to let them go

Around me they swim
Til I can't take anymore
I'll play your little game for now


I walk alone
Through hallways that were once filled with light
But now are still and silent
Breaths are quick and many
Tears break free to run their course
The only symbol of my life
But they too are slowly draining
                                 slowly fading
They will leave me too
Faithfulness regarded. Loyalty forgotten.
Long endless hallway
                    you engulfed me
You’ve stolen me
Freedom torn from me
                     hid me away
Feelings, emotions trapped within you
You control me
Everything about me, strangled and smothered
Took away all that was anything to me
And for what, I pray?
                     I am still alone
Leave me too
What is left to endure but
the stinging strikes of hate
              and misguided love?
I knew no better than to fall for you
I know no better still
The quietness bring about ironic serenity
In contradiction to all intended
Out of place
            and much too late
Attempts failing
Now guided by chance and luck
But not much hope
Beliefs of a lost cause - -
The distraction
All is gone again
            holes dug deeper
                      to the very core of my soul
Each tear transforming me
                         until I am no more
Long hallway you have failed me
Lost me in your battle
Your promises of light left undelivered
I am no more
All is forgotten by dawning of light
Too late to help survive or revive
I am gone, lost
Long lost light reborn,
                with blinding brightness
Reclaim your lost child
Finally released and in search of you
Leave me not to dwell in tiny corners
Blending in with the darkness
Find me
       let me live again

Crack in the closet door

While peeking out from
     the crack in the closet door
My trembling fingers cover my mouth
My eyes wide with fear
Not a sound - not a sound
Oh no, he's coming!
Hide! Hide behind the closet door
In my little corner, with my knees up to my chest
My little body curled into a ball
Then, looking at the place
  I've come to know as home
The four small walls that imprison me
Blocking me from all to see
The cold, bare floor
The darkness that surrounds me
The crack in the closet door
The chain's too high so it's hard for me to unlock the door and be free
     The crack in the closet door, teasing me
The gorilla mask upon the shelf, my watcher
There to make sure I stay in place
Also it too high to reach
So there he stays glaring down at me
His eyes black, empty, scaring me
Yes, he's gone
Open now, open to reveal the light
The only light I ever see
The light that comes from
     the crack in the closet door
Nothing left to do but wait
Guarded by the light
Tender, loving light - my only friend
Giving me hope, making me strong
"Come in, come in light," I beg
     the crack in the closet door
"Soothe me with your caring touch," I say
(Although who am I to know what a caring touch is?)
So now, alone with the protection of the light
I sleep, sleep
Drifting into a world outside the closet door
A world I will never see...
For what could I see through a
     crack in a closet door?
%d bloggers like this: