I'm not who I was
 I haven't seen me in a while
 There's a pretty girl in that mirror
 I can't remember when I stopped being her
 Or maybe she, me
 She's trapped in a rectangle
 With bad lighting no less
 I see her window shopping
 Or watching the trees rush by
 Quiet, observing
 Raised eye brows and squinting eyes
 A ripple in the water and she's gone
 Day by day I didn't notice the change
 But suddenly it stops feeling normal
 Suddenly I'm just not me
 And she's just as confused
 Our synchronized dance in time
 I kind of want to smack that smirk off her face

Someday isn't here yet
I hope it never comes
This reality is haunting me
My illusion is caving in
But I'll always come back
               when you call me
I'll wait
In the dusty corners of your mind
No need to say goodbye
I know you'll come back too
I hope so anyway
There's always hope... right?
But someday isn't here yet
I'll try to keep it at bay a little longer
Just to drink you in some more
The truth is so cruel
So I listen to the pretty lies
               I tell myself instead

I know it’s coming…
Even though you try to avoid it
You’ll be gone
Take me with you
I wish you could
It burns
So instead I’ll pull away
I’ll be gone for a while
Until it doesn’t hurt anymore
I’ll come back to you
One day
When I can look at you without crying
When my heart is no longer broken
I already miss you
I’ll miss you in forever ways
I just want to be whole

I'm a tad bit fickle
I'll pretend it's part of my charm
My mood is unpredictable
Tomorrow I'll probably care less
Or my world will slip away
Either way... I'm fine today
I'm actually more than okay
Lighter
Okay, okay - there's a pep in my step
I don't need a reason why
I'll obsess over the next thing
That's just my method you see
All my effort and attention focused
It hurts less this way
I even convince myself you see
I can't reveal any breakdowns
Won't let you see me
I need a new project
Hmm... definitely not a new lover.
HA!
I just might break his heart
Revert back to the old me
Keep him hanging by a thread
But there's no more rush in that power
It's just plain mean
No I'll just keep skipping today
And see where I end up
Who knows if I want to be there tomorrow
Or tonight even

I wish I were a bird
Rise above it all
Watch it all shrink and slowly disappear
And I would simply disappear too
Soar in the air
            Wild and free
All the best things are wild and free
Except me
I'm still here
And alas, another day begins
And another small piece of my spirit dies
Deep breaths help me through
I have to remind myself to breathe
But I'm running low on reasons
I'm just sitting here
Staring out the window
Through the bricks and smog and busy people
At the birds

I find it funny my world didn't collapse
Maybe briefly it was shaken...
But life went on just fine
Even though everything is different
Things always look different in the morning
When our visions aren't as cloudy
Why do we make everything life or death?
It's never really that serious
I'm a bit melodramatic I guess
My whole damn life is a soap opera
Well that's getting quite old
Let's put a pin in that, huh?
I made you so much more important than you really were
I needed something to matter that much
It didn't have to be you
So does that mean it's not real?

Broken wings hold me prisoner
My heart throbs with fiery need
Your voice melts away cloudy skies
I drink in your poison
But wake surrounded by darkness
Kisses linger on my lips
And I think I am at peace
It is a brilliant lie
How this secret devours me
I let it steal my breath like a fool
In hopes I will be whole
I worry I may never heal

I don't want this feeling anymore
I want it buried deep again
I can be me with you
And fly free
Until morning comes
And your need to flee
I just want to keep being me
And have that be enough for you
Why can't that be enough for you?
I almost had you
You were mine for a short whole
But not really
No, not really
I can smile and say it's okay
While my heart shatters
Just hold me a little longer
And tell me anything to calm my fears
It does't have to be true
Just enough to get me through
You were just here
But my hand is empty now
And my head is so full
I torment myself without your help
You'll never really know how much it hurts

Written words cut deeper
Their knives are dipped in venom
Laced with hate and intent
The attack carefully considered
Consequences weighted
Are utterances more easily forgiven?
They're both still thoughts
They're there
"I wish I never gave birth to you"
Well, there you have it
When compared to your pedophile son,
          I still come up last
I must be evil
My inception dreams tell me so
I see him lurking in corners
                     beckoning to me
Do you see something I do not?
I continue on licking the wounds you keep opening
Cursing your words
You relish in my actions don't you?
Is my unhappiness your only victory?
How could you possibly enjoy this
I continue to sink lower
Trapped in my own thoughts
If there are shadows, shouldn't there be light?

I didn't think of you at all today
I didn't have to catch my breathe
Or stop myself from crying
My world didn't stop
And the sky didn't open up
Today wasn't the first
Just the first I noticed
You're not the one I'd call if it all fell apart
You don't hear about my day
Or know what makes me mad
You wouldn't even know how to make it better
I guess I just don't need you anymore
I don't know when,
but somehow I stopped loving you
My heart doesn't ache anymore
There is no longing
No reaching out to an empty space
I'm not bitter or angry about it
More shocked at my indifference
You called today and I didn't pick up
I'm a little too nonchalant for this
They told me I'd laugh one day
That I'd live again
I'm no longer broken
I'm elated....
       I'm free.....
               I can finally be me