All posts by May Ling B

Who is May Ling? Quirky poet, writer, blogger, *aspiring novelist*, wine in the rain enthusiast... Headphones, pen & paper = a happy gal. What you need to know: My daughter is my world ♥ I think the rain is sexy. Add a little wine to that. I talk too much... which is why I need to put pen to paper. I NEED to believe that love really exists. I'm in love with love. Music fills any empty space. The dance floor is my solace. I have a soft spot for the artistic soul. I'm stubborn, impatient and always late. Whether you believe it or not... I'm freakishly shy. (Which is why this blog in itself is so amazing) *RE-EXAMINE ALL THAT YOU HAVE BEEN TOLD - DISMISS THAT WHICH INSULTS YOUR SOUL*
Musings

Professional student status revoked

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I can’t even begin to describe how unbelievably elated I am that I am done with school! I slept like an effing baby this weekend. I took my last two finals Friday night and spent all day Saturday writing my last term paper. Saving things to the last minute is kind of my MO. I like to pretend I work best under pressure. I’ve yet to be proven wrong anyway. My whole world just shifted after clicking that “save” button one last time. I passed out hard after that and slept for hours.

Slowly my grades are coming in, but I guess I can’t officially say I’m a graduate yet… but I’m so much more calm these days. In addition to work and my crazy 8 year old, I was taking 4 classes and doing an internship. I don’t know what to do with my free time now. Dating? New project? BUCKET LIST!!! I’m going to end up causing way too much trouble either way. I do like the thought of coming home and not feeling guilty about turning on the TV though or having happy hour drinks with the co-workers.

I know I have to start researching my MBA or MS, but I have months to tackle that. In the meantime I am ready to rejoin society and happily turn in my student ID. Look out summer, Mei Mei is on the loose!

Poems

Seems you don’t know me

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I'm a tad bit fickle
I'll pretend it's part of my charm
My mood is unpredictable
Tomorrow I'll probably care less
Or my world will slip away
Either way... I'm fine today
I'm actually more than okay
Lighter
Okay, okay - there's a pep in my step
I don't need a reason why
I'll obsess over the next thing
That's just my method you see
All my effort and attention focused
It hurts less this way
I even convince myself you see
I can't reveal any breakdowns
Won't let you see me
I need a new project
Hmm... definitely not a new lover.
HA!
I just might break his heart
Revert back to the old me
Keep him hanging by a thread
But there's no more rush in that power
It's just plain mean
No I'll just keep skipping today
And see where I end up
Who knows if I want to be there tomorrow
Or tonight even
Musings

Invincible summer

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I’ve come to learn over time that falling out of love is just as liberating as finding love – it grants a freedom from the chains that love can create. Chains you were or weren’t even aware of. From the kind of love that suffocates and blinds a person. The type of love that only takes without a thought of giving. You never really realize just how much your own emotions can cripple you. How much joy it takes away, especially when you think you are the happiest you’ve ever been.

I’ve been lucky to find love, even if it was short lived or perhaps a pretty lie. At least in that moment I was elated. But I’ve also experienced heartache that completely shut me down. It’s amazing how in one minute love can create this moment of pure ecstasy that we wish would never leave us and then in the next becomes stifling and uncontrollable. Letting go gives us a strength that holding onto something can’t do. You see the world with fresh eyes, are aware of new possibilities. I want to dwell in the possibilities of life and not be narrowed by only seeing what’s just in front of me. I’m pretty excited to see what life has in store for me!

I think Albert Camus said it best: In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.

Musings

Maybe I should move to Canada, eh?

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It took me two years to take a vacation and I must say that regardless of my future situations, I fully plan on pulling aside time and money every year to go on a vacation. My mind is so at ease. (Even though finals are right around the corner.) My biggest concern during my trip was whether I was going to tan on the beach or by the pool that day, or if my brugal was going to be light or dark for that next drink.

I traveled to Punta Cana for the destination wedding of an old high school friend I was lucky to rekindle with 5 years ago. It was amazing, she was gorgeous and the tropical waters were healing. I have decided that this will be the LAST time I go there though – I’ve only traveled internationally three times, and it was always to the Dominican Republic. (People honestly need to pick a new place to get married dude, the second time I went was for a wedding as well.) I honestly believe that customs is going to eventually question my passport and think me a mule one of these days!

I literally spent the whole week just tanning, eating, drinking rum and sleeping. Even the beautiful island of DR didn’t want me to leave – the sun shone the ENTIRE time I was there, but the sky opened up and poured down on me as I checked out that morning. The past few days here in NY have been gloomy as well – you would think I was in London the way mother nature has been acting.

As I’ve said before I am a freakishly shy person. You can NOT take the opinions of my friends because they know me too well and I am far too comfortable with them at this point. But truth be told when I first meet a person, I probably won’t say hi to them or attempt to start a conversation. My flirting is quite awkward honestly. Now it could be the concept I’m on vacation (or the rum), but I’m just NOT a shy person when I go away. It’s like I’m a different person – I have no issue talking to people or dancing like a fool. (although I think I normally look like a fool when I dance anyway.) The island was COVERED with Canadians this whole week. Literally everywhere I went I saw either a Dominican or a Canadian. And I have to say, after meeting these Canadians, New York men better watch their back. They could take a lesson or two from Canadian men. It was SO NICE to talk to someone who actually wanted to TALK. They had to be the most genuine, friendly, respectful men I have ever met. And yes, I will say it: sexy! I met a Bradly Cooper body double and was completely lost in his blue eyes. Too bad he was short and lived in Vancouver.

Musings

Excuse me Sir, but you must be this tall to ride this ride!

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I hit the town this weekend with a few friends of mine – a house party in the city and a little bar hopping after. The pick up lines I encountered were pure hilarity. Please note that I do NOT give out bonus points for creativity… you MAY get a chuckle or two, but that’s about it. Although I guess that also depends at which point in the night you catch me and how many drinks in I am. So if, for example, you try picking me up on the subway on my way into the city, you’re more likely to just get the evil eyes. My girlfriend was a little more forgiving and friendly to that poor man than I was. Maybe she felt sorry… I’m thinking she wanted to see how far he was going to push it. But honestly… who opens with “Has anyone ever told you two look like the Kardashians?” I mean really? THAT’S what you’re going with? Even if that was true, that’s who you’re comparing me to? Vomit. Here’s the kicker: he then proceeded to ask me “I have to know, you’re not 17, are you?” Was that your way of checking if I was legal? Or your way of saying you wouldn’t care if I was that young? Double vomit in my mouth.

The night only got better and much more entertaining: “Have you ever partied in the desert?” Yes, he asked me that. Why no, I never partied in the desert. I actually like to be close to a water source, thank you. And in this day of technology and social media the concept of dating and flirting has completely changed. Instead of asking someone for their number, they want you to look them up (or stalk them) on Facebook. This same guy kept saying to me “you just don’t know about me, you have to friend me on Facebook, you just don’t know.” Um… gag. Call me old fashioned, but I like phone calls! I like hearing a ring tone and being excited because I know who’s calling me – having those three hour conversations about everything and nothing. I like smiling from ear to ear because I’m looking forward to hearing his voice. Now everything is contained to 140 characters and the posted pictures that chronic your life. No mystery, no more butterflies. I like the butterflies, I like being giddy. *SIGH*

Poems

Hindered

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I wish I were a bird
Rise above it all
Watch it all shrink and slowly disappear
And I would simply disappear too
Soar in the air
            Wild and free
All the best things are wild and free
Except me
I'm still here
And alas, another day begins
And another small piece of my spirit dies
Deep breaths help me through
I have to remind myself to breathe
But I'm running low on reasons
I'm just sitting here
Staring out the window
Through the bricks and smog and busy people
At the birds
Poems

On second thought

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I find it funny my world didn't collapse
Maybe briefly it was shaken...
But life went on just fine
Even though everything is different
Things always look different in the morning
When our visions aren't as cloudy
Why do we make everything life or death?
It's never really that serious
I'm a bit melodramatic I guess
My whole damn life is a soap opera
Well that's getting quite old
Let's put a pin in that, huh?
I made you so much more important than you really were
I needed something to matter that much
It didn't have to be you
So does that mean it's not real?
Musings

When did I become an old lady??

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So I’m writing this from my couch… the couch I have been confined to since Tuesday. It seems typing with my fingers is the extend of what I’m capable of at the moment : /

I somehow pulled a muscle in my back and had one of those “I’ve fallen and can’t get up” moments. And sadly THAT is truly a Mei Mei Moment without question. I was literally trapped at a 90 degree angle with only my feet to stare at. You see people do this on sitcoms and laugh like how is that even possible. Well… I tell you people, it’s freaking possible!! I can not begin to describe how much it sucks not being able to stand up, to walk or move even an inch without a pain shooting through your body. That first night was AWFUL! I felt so helpless. I compared it to childbirth and desperately preferred reliving those 21 hours of labor my daughter put me through instead of what I was feeling. At least that pain ended when she was born. This has been nonstop.

My wonderful, wonderful doctor gave me this magical injection that worked for all of two hours. But it was two hours of pure heaven. So here I sit now with my trusty bag of frozen edamame and bottle of muscle relaxers. I hate that they make me so sleepy though – and that’s literally all I’ve done these past few days, SLEEP. But I was able to walk around a bit today. I attempted to take a test earlier… HA! I practically fell asleep halfway through and randomly guessed the rest of the answers before time ran out. I don’t know if I’ll be pleased or just plain confused if I score high on that exam… we shall see.

I have a new appreciation for the aging. And I seriously can’t wait until I’m able to go back to the gym. Hell, I can’t wait until I can walk around outside in the sun. Of course this would be the week mother nature decides to hit us with 60 degree weather. Man, she’s a bitch! How sad is it that I actually miss work?! I think that was the pills talking….

Musings

I don’t need to flirt, I will seduce you with my clumsiness ; )

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Klutz. Yes, that is me. MAJOR klutz. I trip over my own feet daily. I want to believe I meet the floor gracefully, but I know that’s not the case. I still maintain that chairs and shoes are simply bullies out to get me. I know exactly where I leave things on the floor and work out a maze to get through it… doesn’t always work, obviously someone moves things around…

It’s important to note… I have a strange fear of stairs. Well… not fear, but a paranoia for sure. More specifically I’m paranoid I will fall DOWN the stairs. EVERY single time I go down the stairs, I literally picture myself plummeting to the floor. Experience has taught me this fear, and quite appropriately I must say. I’ve fallen down a flight of stairs five times in my lifetime (that I can remember anyway). The first two times resulted in an eye patch, and then a leg brace. YOU try walking up and down four flights of stairs in a damn leg brace everyday! I managed to somehow escape death for years until I was about 5 months pregnant. I was rushing to a job interview and fell down, down, down…… I like to think I’m super mom, because the next time I fell was on the subway stairs while carrying my hummer of a stroller – I somehow managed to turn my body and have the stroller fall ON me. (But hooray, my nena was saved.) My last fall happened at work a few years ago, and that one was in front of a large group of people. >: /

Well today was noooo exception to the rule. You know how they say “don’t text and drive”? Yea, well apparently there’s a Mei Mei add-on: “don’t text and walk.” I crashed face first into the concrete wall in my apartment building. At the very least I stuck my arms out and spared myself any bruising. Fun, fun, fun!! Sad part?? It’s because I “missed” the non existent step at the bottom of the stairs. To keep up the trend of face whacking, a bare tree branch bitch slapped me today too. And this in not my first altercation with tree branches mind you. I was backpacking in Idaho (yea, I know, Idaho…) and a tree branch almost took out my eye. I had to wear YET ANOTHER eye patch for the rest of that trip. It’s no fun having someone tap you on the shoulder and you end up turning around in circles because you can’t find them in your blind spot.

My clumsiness is not going anywhere I fear, so I embraced it along with my quirkiness. I like to think that it’s a part of my charm… that maybe someone even finds it incredibly sexy! = D Yea, well, whatever…

Musings

Where did all the booze go?!

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I can not seriously enough stress the PERFECT timing of Lent! There’s a few things (notions, thoughts, people…) I NEED to let go of. I’ve been pretty self destructive and unhealthy lately, and very unhappy… and it caused others to become a bit tainted themselves. I will be the first to admit I haven’t been thinking so clearly lately and have been rationalizing my bad behavior away. I can make a good argument for anything, especially when my pride refuses to let me admit I’m wrong. But yes, after very careful thinking I’ve come up with a vice list… eek. Without writing out the full list (can’t share ALL my weaknesses!!) I’ve decided finally on alcohol… YES, ALL alcohol consumption. I was going to originally just go with wine, but come on… that’s pretty weak. So for the next 46 days I will NOT drink any alcohol… *heavy breath out*

I toyed with the idea of soda, take out, shoe shopping or even Facebook. I seriously considered coffee for a while, but I also need to be tolerable over the next few weeks so that’s a BIG, fat no no. I even contemplated swearing off men and all that that implies, but that’s highly laughable… I figured God still wants me to find love = ) So yea, alcohol. My biggest challenge will probably be one of my best gal’s bachelorette party and St. Patrick’s Day (come on, I AM Irish after all!!). But I think it’ll be good for me. A few weeks ago I swore off any self pity parties… and then just threw myself a HUGE week long bash that ended with a new tattoo. Not exactly therapeutic, I know. Sometimes you just want to numb the pain. After last week, I need to refocus on myself and I think not drinking will help de-cloud my thoughts. Although I must admit I LOVE my new tattoo. It’s my third and definitively not my last. I got the phrase “alis volat propriis”, which is Latin for “she flies with her own wings” done on my shoulder.

ANYWAY, if my daughter can give up her beloved Pop Tarts… I think I can manage this. Besides, the week after Easter I’m going to soaking up the sun in Caribbean anyway ; )